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Day 27, Wednesday, July 28. Deer Creek, TM 1752.6–(5.7 miles)

It’s always difficult leaving a town

The aim was to get out as early as we could. That would be catch the 9a bike bus up to the ski area then hop on the bus to Red Meadows and get there by 10:30. Easy peasy. The whole plan hinges on breakfast. The Breakfast Club opens at 8 and it’s only a 10 minute walk from the hotel. We’re golden.

At 8, we headed towards the Breakfast Club. When we arrived at 8:13, there were only 4 people seated but two groups totaling 10 waiting to be seated. I wasn’t hopeful. There were two people just picking up pastries at the counter waiting to get checked out. It was not a seat yourself place. One waitress, one cashier, one cook, and no organization at all. At 8:25, I said screw it when they told the first party of 4 that it would be 10 minutes before they could be seated. We’d already wasted almost a half hour with this place. We moved on to Good Day Breakfast even though we said we wouldn’t go back because of their charge policy.

The breakfast was ok, but not $70 good for 4 people. I did get my fair share of coffee, but it was clear our early start was shot. We left the restaurant a little before 9:30. Bunny and I headed for the trolly while Bear and Sassy headed for the Rite Aid for a final purchase. They made the same trolly that we were waiting for. Yada yada yada, we left the hotel at 10:20 to catch the trolly to the Village where the bike bus was just getting ready to leave. We got the last 4 seats.

The ravages of a forest fire probably a decade ago

We got to the ski area right at 11. The line for Reds Meadows was already long. Bear and I got tickets for the earliest shuttle we could get. That would be the 12-1 hour. What the hell? We lined up in the hopes we might get an earlier ride if there was space. It only took 3 buses before we were headed up and over to Reds at 11:30. I thought we were doing kind of decent, considering.

When we caught the bus from the trail, Bunny and I were jammed in the back of the bus, surrounded by a bunch of kids. We just couldn’t see out. Today, we had front row seats on the opposite side of the bus. We could see what we missed the first time. If I had seen what we missed on the way out, I would not have gotten back on the bus. The road is narrow, winding, and falling off the mountain in several places. There’s no guardrails. There’s 2 way traffic on a one lane road. I saw several drivers with their wheels half off the road, sweating bullets, hoping the bus wouldn’t nudge them the 1/16th of an inch it would take to roll them down the mountain.

When I was in Nepal, I rode on top of a minivan with my feet dangling over the side, and all I could hold on to was the luggage rack under me. I would sooner ride that minivan again than I would this bus. I looked at the driver to make sure he had a good thirst for life. What I saw was an old man, about 100# overweight, that had made worse life decisions than I have… We’re all going to die.

Bunny refused to give me an Ativan. I pleaded for a pot gummy…”those are for my hip pain.” I tried looking to Bear and Sassy for support. They refused to lift their eyes off of their shoes. They had seen the abyss on the way out. I focused on all the little kids on the bus. They were calm and looking around. They have never died in a big fall in a previous life. I’m sure I have. I’m also pretty certain I’ve once died in a horrible human waste accident…that might explain my fascination with proper poop handling.

It’s important to not let Bunny lead with a storm approaching—she runs!

Spoiler alert: we made it. The hiking began right at 12:30, only 2 hours later than planned. This was an uphill dominant section of trail, so Bear led. It had rained on us on the way up to the ski area, but we felt confident the storm clouds would be contained on that side of the ridge. Wrong.

Meteorological Bear kept an eye on the sky and kept replaying weather radar while he had signal. He kept saying we’d be fine. We’re going to walk right between the two storm cells we could see above us. The radar showed the storms heading north. For a while, it looked like we might slip through.

We made it just over 5 miles and were stopped at a stream. If we continued on, the next 3 miles would take us to over 10,000’ which had much fewer trees to protect us. While we were trying to decide what to do, we recognized the woman behind us getting water. We had met her and her brother the day we left Tuolumne Meadows. They were taking 3 weeks to hike the JMT. The brother saw us and told us to come camp by them, it wasn’t worth the risk. We had seen lightening, so we already knew Bunny’s vote—get inside at sea level.

While we watched the sky continue to grow darker, Bear and I said, maybe 10 minutes to rain. We could actually here the rain coming towards us. We ran down, threw up our tents, got all our gear, and Bunny inside before the rain started. I finished setting up the tent while Bunny started making the beds. I was going to get water, but the rain was here. I jumped in the tent just as the hail started.

The lightening and thunder were still more than 2 miles from us, but the time between flash and thunder was growing shorter. It didn’t take long until the storm was directly on top of us. Bunny had handled herself pretty well up to now. Once she got in the tent, she covered her ears and eyes and tried to burrow underneath me (just like she had taught my once brave dog, Nutiket, to do. Both of them used to lock themselves in closets during electrical storms).

We ended up dozing for about a half hour until the storm passed. Once it stopped raining, I got up, tightened up the tent, got water, prepared everything for breakfast, packed lunch for tomorrow, filtered water, and prepped for supper. When I was done with all this, Bear emerged from the tent. Sassy and Bunny were in no hurry to wake up. It took prepared meals to coax them out of their tents.

We had a pleasant supper under clear skies. This was supposed to be the day with the highest chance of rain. We stopped hiking after just 3 hours so we missed our target by 5 miles. We’re going to have to put in longer days for the next 3 days to get back on track.

We don’t have any fires or trail closures in front of us, yet. The Dixie fire has burned Belden and south for 30-40 miles which means we won’t be able to finish the trail this year. We have about 120 miles between Belden and Truckee that we were planning on doing after we made it to Walker Pass. We haven’t officially pulled the plug on that section, but we probably will when we get to Bishop. The Dixie fire is over 200,000 acres and less than 30% contained. It’s pretty doubtful the trail will get reopened this year. The PCT doesn’t want us to finish…ever.

EFG

Days 25 & 26, Monday & Tuesday, July 26 & 27, Mammoth Lake—(Double Zero)

Dine and dash? Never too old!

Part of the tramily trail negotiations include lots of give and take. Bear gives options. We take the ones we like. Sometimes, we counter-offer until a solution is reached. Bear’s original offer was to skip the Zero in Tuolumne and take a Double Zero in Mammoth with one of the days being a bus trip down to Yosemite Valley. We liked the Double Zero option right off and accepted that, but I wasn’t interested in spending 4+ hours riding a bus to Yosemite (as can be seen, we did end up with a zero in Tuolumne). All these negotiations resulted in was Bear losing a day of cushion from his, already tight, schedule.

Mammoth Lake is a cute, expensive, ski town. Bunny and I immediately liked it. There’s only 8,000 permanent residents even though there is easily housing for 100,000. Logic says real estate prices MUST be low. This turned out to be not true.

Although we did meet, and get to know, most of the local drunk residents of the town (thanks to the free trolley system), this mislead us to local real estate prices. Even the drunks in town are pretty wealthy (by our standards). The “ghetto” in town is a bit misleading. One of the more sober drunks told us they didn’t even realize they were living in the ghetto because they had spent $400,000 for their condo 20 years ago. He then was asked by the trolley driver to get off since children were starting to get on. His roommate graciously escorted him off the trolley and gently laid him in the grass outside of the complex before rejoining us on the trolley. Mental note, drunks sleep in the grass near the trolley stops in the ghetto.

Other than riding the trolley all around town to get a feel for what’s here, we did manage to perform the usual town chores: laundry, eat, shower, eat, resupply, eat, nap, and eat ice cream. By the time we had to check out and return to the trail, we were on a first name basis with 3 different trolley drivers and a half dozen drunks. Sadly, we didn’t meet any of the large house owners on the trolley system…go figure.

The trolley stops would make outstanding shelters on the trail

There are a couple of big benefits from traveling with Bear and Sassy—gluten intolerance and smooth talking. It works. Really!

Act 1: Gluten Intolerance: When ordering, Sassy makes it clear that she will paint the walls brown if she gets gluten. It’s really amazing how many servers don’t know what gluten is. We went out to a restaurant for supper and the only option open to Sassy was a salad with ahi tuna if they left the soy sauce off (why soy sauce has wheat in it…). The server brought out our meals and the soy sauce was all over the tuna. In fairness, it was the kitchen that screwed up. Easy solution, remake the salad and bring it out. Not so easy result, just take the salad away and never bring a new one out (now the server gets some blame for lack of follow up). The rest of us manage to eat our meals before Sassy gets her salad. In fact, the salad never makes an appearance.

Act 2: Smooth Talking: Bear gets into action. When we were seated, they actually walked us part way through the kitchen. Bear gets up and walks into the kitchen. I’m put on standby to watch for police being called. If police show up, the 3 of us disappear, eventually we’ll bail Bear out if he doesn’t show up at the hotel by 1a. Fortunately, we’ve never had to bail him out. While in the kitchen, Bear encounters the owner and explains the situation (over an hour and a half and no salad, gluten free, yada yada yada). The restaurant is slammed, the owner is frazzled, and Bear is majestically calm, yet persistent, in detail. I’ve seen it. He can go on and on, and gently drive the receiver down to dust. The owner needs to get to work. The easiest way (not involving police) to get this guy out of the kitchen is to comp all the meals. Bear comes back to the table and tells us we should leave ASAP. I was looking forward to dessert, but free also works.

I’m not 100% certain we didn’t “dine and dash” but police never showed up. I know this to be a fact, because we crossed the street for a meal for Sassy while the rest of us had dessert. 3 desserts, drinks for 4 and one meal was over $200. If you were to include the 3 meals we didn’t pay for, (thanks to another persona of Bear, Yogi), we’re looking at $400 for an evening meal. And these were average restaurants in Mammoth. Free shuttle included, Mammoth turns out to be outside of Bunny’s and my price range even if we were to opt for the ghetto side of town.

EFG

Day 24, Sunday, July 25. Red’s Meadow, TM 1746.9–(9.2 miles)

My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Even though it’s a town day, we managed to sleep a bit later than usual. The thought of a shower should have caused Bunny to awake before 6, but yesterday must have taken its toll. She slept until 7. Even with her coffee ready and at the proper temperature, I knew I was taking a risk when I shook her awake.

I took the precaution of getting out of the tent as quickly as possible. I had my morning chores to attend to: packing, filtering water, taking down the tent, and the most important of all, my constitutional. Just as I had filtered the water and was getting ready to head out to empty my guns, another ranger (that’s the 4th in 3 days) walked by the camp. I was already approaching the waning moments of my window, so I wrote today off. We talked to the ranger for about 15 minutes before she moved on. I was done for, so I took down the tent and was ready when the rest of the crew was prepared to move on.

Horse corral next to trail, aka “marmot buffet”

The trail was downhill and it was a town day, so I took the lead. It’s the one day I can hike fast enough to stay ahead. Not even a mile into our morning hike and we came to a parking lot with pit latrines. I thought I might give it another try. It turns out, my window was only mostly closed. When it’s mostly closed, that means it’s slightly open. All I had to do was find out what was so important that I had to open the window again. I yelled into my pants, “Hey, what’s so important that you need to reopen the window?” Softly came the reply “to shart.” “That hardly seems worthy of reopening the window” I replied. “LIAR!” Sassy screamed.

One’s definition of beauty changes based upon immediate needs

It was then that Bunny knocked on the door and said “stay focused!” I must have been acting the scene out loud. I did manage to get a finger or two in the crack (metaphorically, no fingers left the light of day) and heave open the window. I was afraid I might have burst a blood vessel in my eye with the effort it took, but I did manage to fulfill my mornings’ dream and relieve a bit of intestinal pressure. When I came out, Sassy asked how I managed to stay in there as long as I did when it smelled so bad. I hadn’t noticed any smell until AFTER I made my contribution to the pool.

The rest of the hike in was a blurr. Literally. I was feeling so good and moving so fast that I generated my own wind whirls. The only time I remember stopping was around Devils Postpile National Monument. All I can say is the Devil gets a lot of credit for creating interesting features around the country. Just in Southern Illinois, there’s Devils Smokestack, Devils Icebox, and Devils Food Cake.

Bunny and I have seen a similar feature to Devils Postpile when we hiked the Wonderland Trail around Mt Rainier. When a volcano erupts, sometimes, if the lava cools slowly enough, hexagonal columns of basalt are formed through a process called “jointing.” In this case, this formation is less than 100,000 years old (or roughly 15 times older than the earth if one believes the literal interpretation of the bible and refuses vaccinations as Devils Work…there he goes again, getting more credit). Glaciers came through the valley last ice age to expose and polish the formation. This formation is many times the size of the columns we saw in Mt Rainier (coincidentally, the Mt Rainier hexagons were adjacent to one of the most interesting pit latrines on the trail…it’s interesting how everything ties together through poop). I would put the formation at almost 1/4 mile long.

It’s difficult to get the scale, but these columns are more than 60’ tall

From here, we had less than 2 miles to make it to the turn to Red’s Meadow. It was all fine and dandy to see some of the Devil’s handiwork, but I wanted food that didn’t involve boiling water. As close as we all were in hiking formation, and the speed at which our train progressed, I was not alone in that opinion. Bear had researched the bus schedule for Red’s Meadow and knew we needed to get to stop #9 before 3p to avoid an extra 1/4 mile walk to the next bus stop. We made the stop well before 2p.

Our biggest concern was that the sky was starting to cloud up. We weren’t worried about getting caught in another storm. We were worried people out dayhiking might get worried about getting caught in a storm and they would return to the buses early causing us to be delayed getting to town food. No damn dayhiker was getting in our way without a fight (might this be considered a food fight?). Not to worry, we were first in line at the bus stop before a group of 11 other hikers showed up. They weren’t cutting in front of us. We were prepared for all out war. Fortunately, 7 of the group were under 10, so not only would we win hands down. We’d end up with a lot of extra candy if it came to a fight. They saw the fire in our eyes and backed away (or maybe it was the smell from 11 days without a shower).

Bridge over Joaquin River…they take their Batman serious in CA to rename a River after the Joker

A section hiker had already given us a heads up on how the bus system works. We had to catch this bus which took us to the Mammoth Ski Area. The driver would collect $15/each for this ride. Once we got to the ski area, the city ran a free bus service to carry bikers to and from town. Once in town, the city also offers a free trolley service which would take us to our hotel. We made the transition from the first bus to the free bus JIT. Going down to Mammoth, we were about the only ones riding so the driver pointed out things for us. When she dropped us off in town, we realized we were only a few blocks from our hotel, so we walked rather than wait 20 minutes for the free trolley.

Checkin time isn’t until 4. We didn’t care since food was first priority. The closest pizza place was only a block past our hotel. Since we had to pass it, we thought we might see if we could leave our packs there. The hotel was a family owned Indian hotel. We prefer Indian hotels to big chains because they tend to be more friendly and less expensive. This hotel was no exception. They let us into our rooms 2 hours early.

We dropped our packs, washed our feet, changed our shirts, and put on camp shoes before heading to the pizza joint. Bear, Sassy, and Bunny all got Diet Cokes and I got iced tea. Sassy warned the waitress that I drink to excess, so she brought me a pitcher of tea. I finished my tea and pitcher before anyone of them finished a single Diet Coke. In total, I drank 2 pitchers of tea, devoured a salad, and ate my share of pizza before Bunny and I went in search of new pants for me.

The closest outfitter only had 6 pairs of shorts in the store. I tried them all on before settling on a pair. We also got some fuel and a couple of meals. We then figured out how the trolley system worked before heading back to the hotel for the night. We showered before going to bed at our usual time of 7ish. In all that time I still didn’t have to pee. I might have been slightly dehydrated.

EFG

Day 23, Saturday, July 24. TM 1737.7–(15.3 miles)

Goodbye Yosemite, hello Escher

Last night’s campsite was unanimously chosen as the most beautiful spot we have had the entire trip, so far. Nestled in a few trees in a meadow at the base of a snow melt that has grown into a nice pond. The melting snow is strong enough to keep several streams flowing through the basin. The only competition we had for our spots were from a couple of marmots that call this area “home.”

Not a crappy view to wake up to (I’m sure that’s a grammar violation)

It’s just 1.6 miles and 900’ up to the southern boundary of Yosemite. Bunny and I took off a few minutes ahead of Bear and Sassy, but they passed us before we’d even gone 0.7 miles. I was surprised at the number of people that had camped even higher than we had last night. There were some strong winds, on and off, through the early night. I had considered dropping my tent into storm mode, but didn’t have the energy to get up to do it.

I’m prepared in case Bunny falls in (she never does when I have my camera ready)

It was up and over Donahue Pass that we made a disturbing discovery. This is on the scale of having Jeffrey Dahmer as a next door neighbor—“I had no idea he liked to eat young men. He was so quiet.” There were marmots everywhere in the rocks around the pass. We wondered what they ate to survive. Now we know, and they are not nearly as cute as they once were.

Horses and mule trains regularly go up and over the pass. Don’t forget, the reason the PCT trail grades aren’t bad is because this is supposed to be a “horse friendly” trail. We came around a switchback to see a marmot with a mouthful of fresh horse poop scrambling off the trail. No doubt, he was building a poop-store to entertain desperate marmot women come winter time. Around October, the male marmots get out their bling and try to convince desperate women hanging around dried up horse poop in the trail, “hey baby, I’ve got a huge stash of fresh horse poop in my cave. I’ve got a pinch here in my mouth to prove it. Come on over and we’ll roll in it for a while and then eat your fill.” She’ll get over there just as the snow falls. It’s all very diabolical and predictable. “Baby it’s cold outside.” “I really should go” “Baby I’ve got horse poop” You know the rest.

At Donahue Pass, we leave Yosemite and enter Ansel Adams Wilderness, but it feels more like Escher Wilderness. We just keep walking down rocks that seem to go round and round. We never make any progress. After 4 turns, we’re right back to where we started.

Yosemite, it’s been fun, but we are moving on

By the time we made it over the pass and down to a small patch of shade, we were already beat. All 4 of us said our packs felt heavier. What a difference a 1000 calorie burrito makes for breakfast. We sat in the shade and nibbled on our snacks while the marmots did the same with all the horse poop in the trail. (They almost make me like cats.)

Someone is always wanting something from us. In this case, she’s searching for a fresh, moist, salt-lick

We ended up going over 2 passes (Donahue and Island) today. Not because we want to make miles, but we want showers. It’s will be 11 days since our last showers by the time we make it to Mammoth Lake. We can’t afford even one more day before we start getting confused with mountain goats coming down the trail. (I’m meaning the Royal “We.” In reality, Bunny, Bear, and Sassy are quite gamey. I smell more like like roses. Granted, the roses might have died a few weeks ago and been left to soak in the vase, but, a rose is a rose.)

Bunny and I have been dragging all afternoon. Since we had a moderate climb after a water break, we asked a nobo JMT hiker to have a long conversation with Bear and Sassy to slow them down. That way, we might actually make it to the top of a climb first for a change. (Yes, it’s not a race, but I hate coming in last all the time.) They caught us right at the top. The deadbeat didn’t engage them. No wonder we consider every hiker who passes as “dead to us.” They can’t even do us a simple little favor.

Down hill rock walking is still rock walking

Thousand Island Lake was really good looking, but most of the “islands” were just rocks sticking out above the water. Whatever happened to truth in advertising. I suppose “6 Decent and 72 Little Islands with a bunch of Rocks Lake” doesn’t have the same romantic appeal. It also wouldn’t make a good salad dressing name. We got water out of the lake overflow. It was a good thing we did because that was the last water we saw for a while.

Salad Dressing Lake aka 1000 Island Lake

After passing the lake, we met very enthusiastic female ranger, and her dog who was ambivalent, who asked about our permits. By permit, we are actually only on our 15th day. If she were to do the math, we would have to be averaging almost 20 miles/day to actually be here. The rangers that stopped us in Yosemite hadn’t looked too closely at our permits, or bodies, to realize that wasn’t even a remote possibility to be true. Rather than go into our “factionalized” account of the trail, I said, “We just showed them to a couple rangers coming out of Tuolumne. They’re buried in my pack. I’ll get them if you really want me to.” That satisfied her needs enough to let us go. She was busy moving the “Marmot Buffet” off the trail, i.e. shoveling horse shit and didn’t want to sanitize her hands to check our credentials.

Now, the race was on. We had a long roller coaster section of trail on the side of a mountain and a storm was trying to catch us. It took us over 3 miles of fast hiking where the rain started spitting on us, but we managed to outrun the it. Looking back, we could see Thousand Island Lake was getting the full force of the rain and storm, but we had dropped down in elevation and rounded the mountain to the point that we were free of it.

We found a camp that was just large enough to hold our tents and adrenaline drained bodies. The water source was a little over a tenth of a mile ahead. Bear and I got water while the ladies nest built. The flies in camp were bad enough that we decided to eat in our tents. Bunny heard pecking outside of our tent. Bears don’t generally knock, so I wasn’t too concerned. Looking around, we saw a woodpecker in the tree next to us. It was a fairly peaceful night punctuated with lots of groans and moans coming from both tents. This had been one of our longest days of hiking.

EFG

Day 22, Friday, July 23. Lyell Fork, YNP, TM 1722.4–(11.3 miles)

It was agreed that we would not leave Tuolumne Meadows until after the store was open. Even though the store, Post Office, and grille are very hiker friendly when they are in operation, they don’t have hiker friendly hours…at least for most hikers. We don’t mind sleeping in. The store doesn’t open until 9, but, they have a charging station and fresh brewed coffee. They don’t really have breakfast fare, so I made due with a beef, bean, and cheese burrito. 940 calories goes a long way on a level trail. Bear had a beef pie. Bunny and Sassy both ate conservatively—protein bars (no imagination).

It turns out coffee and oatmeal might not be the most effective laxative. To save time, I had made use of the porcelain in the campground before the store opened, but the burrito/coffee combination proved to be potent and immediate. It was a very pleasant and enjoyable morning (the leisurely pace, not the double barrel, but that wasn’t all bad either). We headed out at 10:30.

Hard to believe Yosemite Valley was so dry with all this water

This was a pleasurable hike out. It was level for nearly 10 miles. The minute we turned on the trail, we saw another black tail doe with two fawns. They were so small, at first I thought it was a little dog running across the trail. We could see all three running, but if we hadn’t seen them enter the trees, we wouldn’t have been able to spot them. They blended In so well.

We’ve seen ground squirrels, prairie dogs, marmots, chipmunks, mule deer, black tail deer, hawks, snakes, all the usual suspects, but we still haven’t seen a bear. We’ve been out for almost 225 miles in the Sierra and are required to carry bear canisters. We’d like to see at least one (at a distance). When we’re out camping on the trail, I don’t worry about encountering them in camp. They are pretty timid. If they see something different than they expect, i.e, a tent, they usually avoid it. It’s when we get in large group settings that I get worried. While in Tuolumne Meadows, we made use of the bear boxes both nights.

There are many comments in Guthook that rangers are checking permits and bear canisters. We encountered several rangers in and around camp, but no one ever asked for anything. We just assumed that since the bubble has passed and the 4th of July holiday is old news, no one cared any more. In 4 years of hiking long trails, we’ve only been asked for permits twice and actually had to produce it once. Today, right after the junction of the John Muir Trail and the PCT, there were two volunteer rangers checking for permits and canisters. They didn’t look at them too close, because, if they did, we would have to be averaging 34 miles/day to be legal. In reality, we started a few days early and about 120 miles south of where we were supposed to. We will make up those miles after we get to Walker Pass. It’s all Bear’s fault for having to get off trail early to teach a college class for a new program he has created.

The walking was easy for 10 miles, so I had plenty of time for my mind to wander. This year is my 40th high school reunion. I won’t be attending as I had few friends who went to my school. I hung out with a few guys that were 3 years older than me. Just before we headed out here, I got together with a couple of friends that I had in high school and all the way back to 4th grade. It was great to catch up with Todd and Kevin. I doubt if more than 10 people from my class even remember me (I am Easily Forgotten for a reason).

The reason I’m bringing this up is because last year when we were hiking the Tahoe Rim Trail, Todd told me my best friend from grade school, Joe, had committed suicide. From 1st to 8th grade, we were almost inseparable. The summer between 8th grade and high school, we had a falling out and said nasty things to each other (too much testosterone would be my guess). I always assumed that one day, we would be friends again.

In high school, we didn’t talk at all. His mom died and I didn’t even know about it until a year after. He left our school in senior year. I never tried to make amends or reach out to him even after I found out about his mom’s death. Looking back, Joe was always in great shape. When we had our falling out, he said he’d kick my ass if we crossed paths again. I knew he could, easily, but, deep down, I knew he wouldn’t. Now I think of the few times he tried to reach out to me, and I didn’t recognize it. Like, when he’d sit behind me in church so we’d have to shake hands in the sign of peace.

Multi use area, not the bear we thought at first glance

Joe killed himself almost a quarter century ago and I just found out last year. I contemplated contacting his brother, but I looked him up and he looked happy. I didn’t want to dredge up old pain for him. I just feel such a loss knowing that the best friend I had for 8 years needed help and I wasn’t there for him. He deserved better from me. He deserved batter from life. He was a great guy, maybe a little shy, but he deserved to be happy and live. I can’t make up for letting him down. I can only try to not make the same mistakes again. Hopefully, one day, I’ll get to see Joe again. I don’t really believe in life after death, but if it’s true, I will find him.

Sometimes, easy walking can be a burden. I have time to relive my mistakes instead of enjoying the now. The last 2 miles of today were not of lot of enjoyment, but the struggle kept me in the now. Bunny’s hip bothered her a little today, but what really got her was the heat. We had some steep sections today with grades over 1000’/mile. She tried to go too fast and got overheated. I should have mixed up some more electrolytes for her to drink, but didn’t. I got her to slow down. About half way up the climb, she finally tried my trick of soaking her sun shirt in a creek and putting it on. It cooled her down enough that she handled the last mile without much effort (although she’d say different).

Bear and Sassy found us a gorgeous camping spot below a snow field. We are camped at 10,200’. As soon as the sun went down, it started cooling off fast. With any luck, we’ll finish the climb up Donahue Pass in the morning before it gets hot.

We ran into lots of people today. Tuolumne Meadows is a popular spot. We met a woman who had just retired 2 weeks ago and was out doing a celebratory loop hike with her son and husband. We will be heading to Maine after we finish the PCT to have a similar celebratory hike with Peter and Marcia. They are our oldest hiking friends (meaning the couple we’ve known the longest). Marcia retired just before we started the PCT and we’ve been planning to hike the Hundred Mile Wilderness when/if she ever retired.

Maybe we’ll get into some snow on the pass tomorrow

I’m a little somber today. I do have regrets in my life. I wish I could be a better person. I think of all the great examples I have: My dad is constantly saying he’s had a great life and he’s thankful for all he has. My brother-in-law is one of the few true Christians I have encountered in my life. I wish there were many more like him. I think of how positive Mizman (from the AT) is. I think of Good Chip Norris always being polite and thankful to everyone we met along the way. Bear and Sassy are always happy and positive. I’m lucky to have so many people of quality in my life. I wish I were more deserving of the luck I have.

EFG

Day 21, Thursday, July 22. Yosemite Valley—(Zero Day)

Tourists for a day

If you visit Yellowstone, you have to see Old Faithful. We’ve been in Yosemite for 5 full days and we’ve seen beauty that the average visitor doesn’t even know exists. When we hiked into Tuolumne Meadows yesterday, we missed the idea of Covid because it was so damn crowded. We had to wait in lines for everything. We’ve been in the backcountry where the only waiting we do is for Bear and Sassy to get ready in the morning and Bear and Sassy only wait for us to climb a hill (be it 10’ or 1100’, it’s sad).

Lambert Dome near Tuolumne Meadows—not to be confused with Lambert, home of the thrower rolls

As always when we come into crowds, we can smell the brand of laundry detergent of the people we pass. Thank god Axe seems to be falling out of favor with the twenty-something males. We present a unified single smell to the tourist, a subtle mixture of sweat, dried urine, and the occasional whiff of dead flowers since we forget we can’t fart in public. I’m thinking we’ve all become pretty deft at the clenched cheek SBD (silent but deadly). It’s fun to walk 50’ behind a hiker in a crowd of tourists and suddenly see the crowd disperse. It brings a tear of pride to the eye.

The Yarts bus schedule said there would be a bus to the valley departing at 8:31. I am my grandfather’s grandson. He told me three things as a little kid: 1) more than a mouthful goes to waste (hmm, that may have been part of my dad’s sex talk), 2) always go to the funeral, and 3) if you’re not 20 minutes early, you’re late. Bear suggested we leave the campsite at 8:15. I countered with let’s be at the store by 8. Bunny and I were cold and lonely until they arrived at 8:15. We all got on the same bus.

One of numerable alpine lakes on the way to the valley

It’s an hour and a half ride down to the valley. Not once do we leave the park. This is an amazingly large and beautiful place. It can also be scary driving by a few controlled burns that are active as well as seeing the results of recent, uncontrolled burns. After 7-10 years, the areas begin to look inviting again.

Other than burns, there are amazing alpine lakes with sandy beaches, stunning views, more granite domes than I ever knew existed, and then, there’s Yosemite Valley. We were expecting crowds: they were there. We were expecting high prices: check. We hoped for cell service and/or WiFi: got it. We thought we had seen the best of Yosemite already: hold the phone, we have and haven’t.

We made it, but…the stuff we wanted to do was closed because of Covid and it was over 100F

Yosemite Valley is a 2000’ deep box. The valley floor is pretty flat, level, and square with the walls. Usually a valley has an arced rise up the canyon walls. Not so here. It’s as square as nature can get. About 100 million years ago…wait, let’s go a bit further back, to pre cell phone times. The domes we see now were once lava flows that pushed up thousands of feet but didn’t break the surface. Over time erosion washed away the softer rock and dirt covering the granite domes. Then, 100 million years ago, (I knew I could get us more current) in a huge ice age, glaciers almost a mile deep pushed through the valley pushing all the sediments off of, and fully exposing the domes and valley walls. When the glaciers receded and melted, they left behind 2000’ of sediment that was trapped in the ice. The valley is actually 2000’ deeper than it appears. If we dug out the 2000’ of sediment, we’d have a granite floor that matches the walls we see. Instead, we have Half Dome, El Capitan, and the other formations we all know by sight, but only in their stunted 2000’ form.

The falls are a bit slim in the current drought

That’s really what we wanted to see, the canyon walls and the familiar formations we all know from Ansel Adams. Since we could see the actual items in his pictures, we chose to visit his gallery to see the pictures of what we saw outside so we could say “I just saw that” and not feel obligated to pay $7500 for a picture that isn’t even framed (did I mention we expected high prices?).

After that was accomplished, we had a few more tasks in mind. Mainly snacking followed by eating, followed by dessert, and another bite to tide us over until supper. We might be getting our hiker appetites after a mere 200 miles of hiking.

Once we got off the bus, we needed a snack to tide us over until we could find a meal. The first place we came upon was a coffee shop with a bakery. Cinnamon Rolls and coffee will work for the 20 minutes it takes us to walk to the Ahwahnee Hotel, a grand old hotel near the base of Half Dome. Here, we could have a semi-sit down meal.

Afterwards, we explored the hotel and took advantage of the presence of cell signal to call family we haven’t been able to talk to for almost 2 weeks and make use of WiFi. It was here that we discovered our Good Samaritan act we performed on July 11 was all for naught. I’m talking about the small fire we reported just off of the trail North of Sonora Pass near the rock formation known as the Nipple. What was a little smouldering burn of less than an acre has now grown into a major burn of 40,000 acres with less than 4% containment. The Forest Service opted not to extinguish the fire when we reported it and the storms about a week ago that pinned us down, hailed on us, and scared Bunny, whipped the fire up and allowed it to jump over the ridge. The PCT is still open in the area, but many hikers heading towards it are rightly concerned.

This would be cozy in the snow, not needed in the heat

We tried to go to the visitor center to see a film about Yosemite and some of the history of the area, but it was closed because of Covid. We wanted to have a canyon bus tour, but they were cancelled because of Covid. So we did what we know best, we had ice cream and I had another cheeseburger to hold me over for the hour and a half ride back to Tuolumne Meadows and supper. I think we ingested enough extra calories to cover our deficit for the next 3 days into Mammoth Lakes. To be on the safe side, we won’t leave until after the store opens in the morning and we can get one more high calorie meal…say a giant burrito and coffee.

I’m glad we did the side trip, but I wish it could have been cooler and non-pandemic

EFG

Day 20, Wednesday, July 21. Tuolumne Meadows, YNP, TM 1711.1–(12.7 miles)

Burgers or bust

As agreed, we all got going early. Sassy voluntarily got moving at 6. Bear started loudly clearing his throat around 6:30 to make sure we were awake. To speed things up, I had prepared the coffee, oatmeal, and orange Julius at dinner last night. All I had to do was boil water. Even Bunny could have finished up this morning since she claims all I do is boil water (all done while she sleeps).

Our neighbors were very quiet last night (and far away)…our alarm cough barely came through

All four of us were ready by 10 before 8. Even more amazing was that we were all at the top of the climb at 8. The race was on. Traditionally, (on this trip at least) we haven’t been hitting the trail until 8:45. We usually go about 3 miles before our first break around 10:30. We put in another 3 miles and have lunch around 1:30. That leaves us about 7 to finish the day sometime between 6:30 and 7:30 so we can set up camp before dark. That’s our typical 13 mile day.

8 a and already at the top of our first climb

That’s a problem for us today. We need to get 13 in before 5 if we want to get a hamburger from the grill at Tuolumne Meadows. We had motivation to get up early, but would that be enough to ensure we make it on time to order burgers.

It’s a good thing cows are ahead or these bad boys would be in real danger from the killer bunny

After cresting the hill, we let Bunny lead because she tends to be fastest hiking downhill. We agreed to have a break at 10 to check our progress and make any necessary adjustments. When we stopped at 10, we had 5.2 miles in. We were smoking. Behold the power of beef!

Don’t let that sweet smile fool you, her hips hurting and she’s hungry…BE AFRAID

The next agreed upon stop was Tuolumne Falls which was a total of 7.4 miles from our camp, leaving 5.3 miles with a half mile road walk. We have not eaten a single lunch this trip before 1. We were done with lunch and hiking before noon. Granted, our lunch was quick because we didn’t have much food left. Bunny had a pack of tuna, I had a pack of chicken, and we split a beef stick. Between breakfast, lunch, and snack, Bunny and I could not have had more than 500 calories. We also skipped all electrolytes in our drinks. We were “all in” on the burger and fries. If we ate a week like this on the trail, we would be walking zombies (if we could still walk).

Getting close to our lunch spot on the Tuolumne River

Now we were in the home stretch with less than 6 total miles to go. Our goal was no later than 4, but now we faced some uphill hiking. It was time for the A team to take the lead. Bear took over pole position with me in caboose. Bear had us knock out the climbs in a 4 mile uphill section in about an hour and 45 minutes. This is phenomenal if you know how slow Bunny and I handle inclines.

This is an area not seen by the majority of park visitors

We had less than 2.5 miles which was mostly level to downhill. It was hot. We were wearing sunglasses. Our hoods were up. It’s put up or shut up time. Who do we turn to? Bunny had the lead. Normally Bunny is not too food motivated, but after yesterday’s caloric scare on the first big climb, she was primed for a cheeseburger. In pilot vernacular, Bunny was a dot.

Bear claimed people were jumping off the trail as we passed them and then they would ask Bear “what’s up with the two smelly hikers flying down the trail?” He explained that we were trying to finish the PCT and that we have been out for 3 weeks, and that Bunny was not a vegetarian rabbit. There’s a cow in danger and the rabbit is taking it out. In other words, she’s a killer bunny with huge nasty teeth.

We made it to the grille a bit after 3. We needed to pick up our resupply boxes. We needed to find out about camping. We needed to make reservations for Mammoth Lakes. We needed to repair the bleeding gash Sassy had put in my leg when I slowed down unexpectedly. But all that could wait until we had burgers. Bear and I took our places in line while the lady folk found a picnic table and guarded our food. I ordered cheeseburger combos for us which included potato wedges and UNLIMITED refills on soft drinks. We had won the lottery again.

When we got our food, I was crushed. Our burgers were great. That wasn’t the problem. Bear and Sassy had gotten double burgers and bacon. It was devastating to see them get so much more food. Then Bunny proved why I love her. “If your still hungry, get another burger. Oh, and get me a twist ice cream.” She knows the way to my heart

We lost the trail along here causing a brief food panic

As I was heading back to the line, Bear said “get me a twist as well.” What about Sassy. “She doesn’t want one.” Wiki Task Force, what’s wrong with that woman. Little did I know, we were facing a major crisis. Sassy had ordered a gluten free bun—very good thing. Sassy plus gluten equals bad times for trees along trail. What none of us paid attention to was the potato wedges were breaded. If she gets another gluten exposure this close to the last, she could be out of the game for days.

It’s difficult to feel stress with this view

I came back to the table with the ice cream and Sassy was gone. Bear filled me in on the potato crisis and told me Sassy was in the bathroom. I enquired if she might induce vomiting to get rid of the gluten. “She might. I’ll check on her once I finish my ice cream.” Sassy came back from the bathroom with no obvious signs of recycled food on her clothes. She started reaching for straws. “Maybe they used rice powder in the breading.” Right!

Bear went in to check (once his ice cream was gone—creating an additional crisis by wasting ice cream will not lessen the first crisis). The first answer was they didn’t know what the breading was. The wedges come pre-breaded. Bear got a bit more persuasive and said “we ordered a gluten free bun. We have someone seriously effected by gluten we need to know (or she will paint your grille brown).” The guy went back and cut the ingredients label off a box of fries. I’ll be damned if it wasn’t rice flour and tapioca. Code brown averted!

A throw back shot of the falls from lunch

Now all we had to do was get our resupply boxes and camping worked out. We ran into Train who was with us at Kennedy Meadows. He already had a site and told us what we needed to do to camp. Bear went to find cell signal to call about hotels in the park (no chance!). Bunny and I got our resupply box from the post office. Whoever put it together did a phenomenal job. We have everything we need. (Actually, our Trail Angel, Digit Alice, came through again. She had acquired the majority of food for us, but I put it together and mailed it because she is recovering from hip surgery. This was a group effort.)

We set up camp then returned to the store to buy salads for supper. We sat at a PICNIC TABLE in our camp (high living on the trail) and talked with Train while we ate supper. Bunny called Sarah to find out how her grand baby is doing. The baby is fine but Sarah has major morning sickness and has already declared “one is enough.”

Advanced trail civilization…picnic tables and toilets!

EFG

Day 16, Saturday, July 17. Falls Creek, Yosemite, TM 1663.6–(15.9 miles)

We finally enter Yosemite, and are not disappointed

I heard Bear and Sassy mumbling about 6:30. I looked out the tent and saw 2 Nobo’s leaving camp. Like an idiot, I started to boil the water we needed for breakfast. I’d already prepared everything last night, so it was the fastest we had gotten breakfast complete. Just as we were finishing our food, Sassy yelled “Take your time. We haven’t started any packing yet.”

I changed up my order of things. Normally, I entirely pack up before I get out of the tent. Bunny pretty much does the same but gets out first for her morning beauty ritual. Today, I made the command decision, poop before pack. I headed up from camp and had my spot all picked. I did one final look around and saw Sassy waving at me. Mission abort. I took a wide circle around her (she was done) and headed further up. I dug my hole, laid out all the paperwork, and took one final look. I had a direct line of sight to Bear and Sassy’s tent. It was mission critical that I not abort. I had only one option, keep staring at Bear in case he sees me. I always try to hold eye contact with non participants which tends to give you a wider birth in future outings.

Wildflowers vs what I’m talking about here

Bear never saw me. I suppose Sassy told him my general whereabouts and he chose to not intrude upon my moment of zen. I filled out my paperwork as quickly as possible then returned to camp. Bear saw me and announced a changing of the guard. While Bear was imitating the pope, I quickly packed up and took down the tent. Bunny and I decided to get front row seats to observe how Bear and Sassy get ready. As they were taking down their tent, a pole slipped and hit Bear in the eye. This was the moment Sassy had been waiting for. While Bear was hurt, she got to give him the “hurry up” hand roll like he had done to her when the same thing happened in reverse a few years back.

It was a level to downhill walk the first 5 miles today, yet I managed to get overheated. It wasn’t hot, I just can’t be allowed to be in front. Like Bunny and Sassy, I outpace myself trying to make sure I’m not holding anyone up. The next Creek we got to, I soaked my sun shirt, hat, and bandanna to try to get my core temperature down. Sassy gave me a couple of salt tablets to make up for all the sweating I had done. I don’t want to get behind on electrolytes again. It’s too hard to get straightened out on the trail.

Under normal hiking circumstances, it’s got to be confusing as hell to our bodies what is going on. For 6 days, we expect maximum physical output on a reduced calorie diet. By reduced, I mean we can only carry about 2500 calories worth of food for 6 days and we are burning in excess of 3500 calories (it would be more if we were putting in bigger miles). To help confuse matters, we’ll come into a town and consume 5000 calories per day and reduce demand on our bodies while we rest. It’s amazing that our bodies function as well as they do under the conditions we subject them to.

Not our thousand mile mark, but “A” 1000 mile mark

A major highlight for today was entering Yosemite National Park. We could see the park boundary by the mountain size change as we crossed Dorothy Lake Pass. There was still snow clinging to crevices. We’ve heard plenty of Nobos say that Yosemite is the most difficult section of the Sierra. Today was the exception as the first 10-12 miles in the park heading south is a gentle decline. We made good miles today, but we’ll pay for it tomorrow.

Bunny’s left hip is good for about 11-13 miles as long as the terrain isn’t too rocky and loose. We had a few miles of that prior to and right after entering Yosemite. We took a break at the 11 mile mark to see how the old Hare was holding up. She said she might have another 5 in her if she took one of her meds and applied some CBD oil. She did both, but it started to wear off before we made our goal. She kept pushing, though, in the hopes of a shorted day tomorrow.

For some reason, I was leading after Dorothy Lake. A hiker was coming towards me and yelled “10 and 5.” I was shocked that this guy was yelling at me and didn’t know what he was talking about. He continued yelling “you’re the 10th woman and 5th man I’ve seen today. Isn’t is great that women outnumber the men on the trail?” Just then Bear and Sassy caught up and he yelled “11 and 6.” We tried talking a few minutes, but I was a bit uncomfortable with the yelling. When we moved on, Bunny said he had hearing aides in, but possibly the batteries were going dead.

A few minutes later I saw 2 girls coming towards us. It took every bit of will power I had not to yell “12 and 6; 13 and 6.” I frighten women enough in the back country without yelling at them.

We finally got to our spot hoping it wouldn’t be full. Guthook says there’s lot of flat spots all along Falls Creek, but we had seen very few camping spots. We hit the jackpot tonight. This turned out to be our best spot so far. Falls Creek runs nearby to the site and there are several flat boulders in the creek. The four of us sat on the boulders soaking our feet while cooking and eating supper. It was the perfect end to our longest day of hiking so far this season.

EFG

Day 14, Thursday, July 15. Kennedy Meadows North—(Zero Day)

Finally, a day of rest

There weren’t any beds in the dorm last night, so we set up tents in the designated PCT hiker area. The biggest difference I’ve noticed between the PCT and AT trail communities is one of attitude and cliqueishness. From my perspective, the AT community is much more open and accepting of all people you meet on the trail. A day hiker or section hiker is not looked down upon (as much) as these lesser life forms are on the PCT. If we, as gods of the AT (we were thru-hiking) would have looked upon our lessers with the same attitude as a PCT hiker does to lesser hikers, we would have never become such good friends with Bear and Sassy.

Just in case you don’t know where we are

Even though they were mere section hikers at the time, we befriended them and introduced them to all our friends on the trail. They eventually brought us down a notch in the pecking order to become the social pariahs we are today—LASHers (Long Ass Section Hikers). We still love them even though they have ruined our trail image.

The first bear we see and it’s at check in

In reality, they are much stronger hikers than we are. Even a sick Sassy is hard for us to keep up with. Bear is the strongest and most detail oriented of our group. The only differences between older hikers and younger hikers is money, time, and physical recovery time. They have all three on us (yes, we are the younger couple of which I am the youngest in our foursome—that’s why I get to ride in the back of pickup trucks by myself while they sit up front in AC. I understand they need the extra space to “spread out.” It just hurts a little when the driver stops to pick up another hitchhiker and they make room up front. They will, on occasion, open up the rear slider to allow me to hear their joyful conversation while I’m sitting on a spare tire. It takes me back to my “dungeon days” in the Whites. My point in all of this? I forgot.) Now I remember, it wasn’t Bear and Sassy that ruined our trail lives. We did it ourselves by choosing not to risk our lives in deep snow. Bear and Sassy saved our trail images by agreeing to hike with “fallen” thru-hikers.

They cater to hikers with a well stocked store

North Kennedy Meadows has no connection to Kennedy Meadows South (other than the Kennedy name and being a meadow). This Kennedy Meadows was once owned by an asshole Irish immigrant who killed 2 men for fishing on one of his lakes. They didn’t know they were trespassing. Ignorance of the fact was no excuse. He shot one, made the other carry him back to his cabin, dig a grave big enough for two, and then hung the guy that did all the work because he wasn’t worth the cost of a bullet. Nice guy.

What do hikers want almost as much as food?

We took the zero day here to allow Sassy recovery time and to eat. The restaurant here has very good food with reasonably priced steaks since they raise their own cattle. This is, more or less, a horse camp. People come here to ride the trails rather than do the manly thing and hike. (Yes, Bear and I have manly wives. It’s why we are both so meek.)

A nice shower and laundry (that not all hikers choose to use)

Bunny and I resupplied here. The prices and supplies are pretty geared towards hikers. I felt a bit bad spending a little over $100 for six days of food until a nobo behind us in line spent $160 for his 5 days of food to get him to Lake Tahoe. I guess our hiker appetites haven’t kicked in yet.

Once the “royalty” of the trail packed up and left this morning, Bunny and I moved our tent into the shade closer to the water. We also cleaned up all the crap the spoiled, self entitled, brats left behind. They deemed us not worth talking to last night because by the time we showed up to set up our tents, we had already done laundry and showered. They had been here a couple of days and hadn’t bothered to do either (even though it’s included in the $30 price to camp here).

Bunny even sewed one of my legs to my ass

It wasn’t until evening that we started running into other lesser trail types who were also LASHing. We met a few couples that had also started in 2019 and had to skip large portions of the trail because of the snow. It’s really funny that the group of Nobo’s who left today were still so arrogant. Of the 2 van loads who went out, I would guess only one or two hikers actually have a chance of completing their thru-hike this year. Any hiker who is only to this point after more than 2 1/2 months of hiking, will have to flip north to have any chance of finishing. By their own definition, they are mere section hikers that haven’t done the math yet. I spit on them. The only nice thing I have to say about any of them is that they liked my Yoda pajama bottoms.

All in all, this was a restful day of overindulgence. We were able to make up our calorie deficit we had created since South Lake Tahoe. We had showers and laundry. The only thing missing was an actual bed to sleep in. The dorm rooms above the restaurant were full last night. We could have moved into a bed tonight, but we heard from several people that the rooms were hot and noisy. It was much better sleeping next to a River that drowned out most of the camp noise.

A cleaned up camping area, thanks to the 4 of us

EFG

Day 13, Wednesday, July 14. Sonora Pass, TM 1636.7–(9.2 miles)

I’m not asking Sassy…I value my life

It was a good night’s sleep but not 100% rejuvenating. Bunny’s hip kept her tossing and turning and my having to get up…wait a minute. I didn’t get up. That makes 12 nights in a row. I felt physically tired still but mentally in a fog. In other words, a typical night on the ground. We decided we need a day off. We’re pretty sure Bear and Sassy want one as well, but we’ll let them make the suggestion so we can acquiesce. Someday, they’ll do the same for (to) us.

I’m finishing up our tent—notice the undisturbed tent beside us

It’s only 9 miles to Sonora Pass, so we took our time getting ready. This might have been a good time to tell the women we had a 2500’ climb which might have sped them up a bit. We chose to remain silent. Bear had said we have a 5 1/2 mile climb, but that didn’t quite sink in.

A couple of markers left for us last night

Sassy was more like herself. Bunny’s hip is always a bit stiff for the first half mile (especially if the first half mile is uphill). It’s no big deal for Bear and me to hike the PCT. We’re not in pain all that much. Occasionally, we’ll have bad days, but Bunny’s hip hurts almost every day. She will eventually build up more muscle to ease the pain in her hip and allow her to have bigger mileage days, but… Even on a good day, her pain is a 4 and gets worse the longer she’s hiking.

Our track record this section is not good. We’ve been hitting 4-5 miles by the time we take lunch, usually between 1 & 2. That’s when we start hiking by 8:15 or 8:30 at the latest. Today we started a little after 9. We’ve heard it’s an easy hitch to Kennedy Meadows, and that there was a later shuttle than the 3p we were hoping to catch. I wasn’t overly worried.

We don’t just hike with Bear and Sassy. We hike with several Bears and Sassy. There’s Safety Bear that analyzes all the risks we might encounter. There’s Concerned Bear when Sassy gets sick or in a semi-dangerous position (suck as walking on a steep, exposed trail—a daily occurrence in the Sierra). Then there’s Analytical Bear (Anal Bear for short) who over thinks all details of the hike (this is Off Trail Bear’s predominant persona—I haven’t seen it yet, but I KNOW he has a daily spreadsheet for this trip. He keeps referring to dates we “should” be there.) Today, we hiked with all the Bears at once.

By our first break at 2.5 miles into our 6 mile climb, it was apparent Sassy was not miraculously cured over night after our longest day of hiking so far. We all just wanted to get to “town” for a day of rest. To her credit, Sassy didn’t say much. As any man alive knows, when a woman doesn’t say much, there’s something wrong. As all men also know, if a man makes such a statement about a woman, or women in general, that man’s life is forfeit. I said it. I know it. It’s been a pleasure relating my experiences on the trail. I have already started digging my grave. I just pray for a quick, clean shot (preferably in the back of the head). There’s so much I still wanted to do.

At our second break, Sassy threw up a bit. Yes, I had planned to sit in that spot, but the space at the other end of the shade turned out to be much better even though I had to sit on a thorny bush. Sassy was in that quiet state women enter when you’re not certain if it’s anger, illness, or both (I’ve already said the grave is in progress, allow me a few last words). I thought this was a good time for Bunny to lead. (Bunny, by the way, has entered her “Energizer Bunny” persona and can walk the same pace for hours, uphill or downhill, without pause. It’s not fast, but it will eventually wear your ass down.)

We took off at Bunny’s uphill, pace. This worked for another 1.6 miles until we all stopped again. Now, Sassy lead. Sassy, who is sick and hates hiking uphill and wants to get to town, took the lead. We didn’t see them again until near the top of the climb, at which point Sassy took off again. Three of us thought the worst was over. One of us, who had analyzed the trail (guess who) knew better. We hit a section of 850’/mile. It didn’t slow Sassy down, but it did take the remainder of her energy.

The top section of the trail was a bit more than a mile of rocky trail at 10,500’ in full sun. Bunny and I were a couple hundred feet behind when I saw that Sassy had taken off her hat. I was convinced she was in early heat exhaustion doing irrational things. We caught up with them and she was severely nauseated. They dropped their packs to get her an antacid and told us to go on.

Bunny and I headed to the first shady spot we could find (1/2 mile ahead). I dropped my pack and headed back to them. I planned to grab Sassy’s pack. We need to get her off the trail. About 100 yards back, I ran into them coming down the trail. Sassy had her hat back on and said the antacid was working. She’s like a cat, except she has nine daily lives.

I stay behind…to be able to take pictures

We made it across the rock section to the break point where the trail starts heading down. There was a group of 7 Nobo’s all in there 20s sitting down in a depression. They had just finished the 3 mile hike up from the pass. We had heard that Kennedy Meadows’ internet sucked, at best, and there isn’t any cell service down in the valley. Every one of these “kids” was on their phones and had ear buds in. It was like an AA meeting had accidentally been held in a VFW with a free open bar. I’m not certain they even saw us pass by.

Deceptively green as we start to descend

Anal, excuse me, Analytical Bear had projected we need to be to this spot by 12:30. It was 1:17. By the time we had walked nearly a mile down, it was 1:47. We still had 2.4 miles to go if we wanted to catch the 3p shuttle to Kennedy Meadows. The trail was actually worse than Pennsylvania rocky. This is the worst kind of terrain for Bunny’s hip (which was supposedly tired from yesterday). Going downhill is harder on her hip, to boot (whatever the hell that means). Sassy stepped aside to release the hounds. She told Bunny it was the land of kittens, rainbows, unicorns, and bunny rabbits if she made it to Sonora Pass in time to catch and hold the shuttle. In the language of combat pilots…we were dots.

Hurting hip Bunny was hopping so damn fast I couldn’t keep up. I begged her to slow down. She came to a complete stop. I’ve always warned people not to get too close to Bunny if she suddenly stops in the trail. It usually means a supersonic fart. In this case, it was even worse. She full roundhouse slapped me. “I love you. You’re my husband, but don’t you EVER get between me and “Bunny Nirvana” again.” Enough said. We covered the 2.4 miles in 44 minutes.

Now that we’re at the Pass, the blur has slowed down enough that I can take a picture

There were 3 people at the pass that directed us to the parking lot we had passed 1/4 mile ago. Back to the lot we went. There were dozens of cars but only one hiker who seemed to be following us. We asked if he knew where the shuttle picked people up at. He told us that he was only following us because we looked like we knew what was going on. By now, Bear and Sassy had arrived. While we were trying to figure out what was happening, the shuttle drove by the lot up to the pass where we had originally gone. Never trust a day hiker!

Ultimately, we flagged down the shuttle and made it down to Kennedy Meadows in time to make 5p dinner reservations. It may not have been “Bunny Nirvana,” but it was Hiker Paradise with flush toilets, hot showers, a grocery store, laundry machines, and, most importantly, free refills on drinks with dinner. We will live to hike another day.

EFG