- 02/03, Sa, Mollies Ridge Shelter 12.0
- 02/04, Su, Derrick Knob Shelter 12.1
- 02/05, Mo, Mt Collins Shelter 13.0
- 02/06, Tu, Peck’s Corner Shelter 15.2
- 02/07, We, Cosby Knob Shelter 12.9
- 02/08, Th, Standing Bear Farm 10.4
Total miles to date: 2457.2
When I came through the Smokies on my SOBO leg, conditions were “less than ideal” to say the least. I entered the Smokies on the last day of ‘23 and only hiked 7.5 miles to spend the night in Cammerer Fire Tower. Even with the short distance walked, it was exactly like my childhood walks to school in the winter—uphill, in the freezing cold, and snow (both ways).
I hit snow and sub-freezing temperatures about 3 miles into my journey and conditions stayed that way for the next 6 days. For three days, the high temperature never even got above 20. I was prepared for the cold temperatures, but that doesn’t mean I like them. I walked on snow and ice for over 70 miles. The only break was for about a mile when I dropped down below 5000’ at New Found Gap.
I was leery of a repeat of my SOBO traverse. It didn’t help that when I was at the NOC, another hiker I had met while I was heading south, texted me and told me he and his group bailed at New Found Gap because the snow was waist-deep.
The snow we had been dealing with in NC had changed back to rain and the temperatures were well above freezing again—sometimes even reaching 40. I checked the long term forecast for Clingman’s Done (the tallest mountain in the Smokies) and the temperatures were above freezing even at night which meant the rain was still rain and not additional snow. It looked like I might get lucky (weather-wise, no luck with women. Don’t go to a sausage party to pick up a woman.)
I was the first to leave the bathroom. Fog is not an early riser. Coming from me, that says a lot. It was a gorgeous day and already almost 50. Things were looking a lot better than my last traverse. In fact, on this trip, unlike my last one, the temperature would never drop below freezing (even at night) for the entire time I was in the Smokies. I still walked on a fair amount of snow and ice, but, overall, much less this time.
About 6 miles in, I ran into a young lady whose phone had died. She asked to borrow my phone to call a hostel to pick her up later. As we started talking, she started to realize who I was. I was surprised that she knew me by name. This was Hungry Bird.
Hungry Bird got her name from the phrase “the early bird catches the worm.” She, too, is not an early riser. No worm = hungry bird. She started about a month before I did last year, but she has been enjoying her time on trail. She’s been hiking with two brothers she met when she started her flip flop. So far, she has taken over 70 zeros (eclipsing our 55 zeros when we thru-hiked in ‘18).
While we were talking, Fog caught up with us which led to more conversation. My planned 17 mile day was quickly reduced to a 12 mile day. It’s my intention to not do any night hiking in the Smokies because I don’t want to run the risk of getting caught out with an unpredictable weather change.
I didn’t actually run into any snow until my second day in the Smokies. Once I got to Rocky Top, the snow had melted and refrozen to a nice ice pack. I could have hiked without my micro spikes, but it would be slower going. Since I’m carrying them, I might as well use them.
The trail through the Smokies is amazing. For miles and miles, the trail follows a narrow ridge no more than 5’ wide. On my SOBO traverse, I had poor visibility; often no more than 30’. That means, even though I could see the mountain quickly falling away from the trail, I didn’t have a strong feeling of exposure. With the clear days of my second pass, I definitely felt the steepness and was quite nervous for long stretches at a time.
I tried to keep my mind off of the exposure by going through my ancestor meditation where I try to remember everyone I’ve ever known who has died. I’ve been doing this daily for several months now.
When I run out of dead people to remember, I compose my list of requirements for any future woman that could end up in my life. I narrowed it down to 5 qualities I’m looking for:
5) a love of nature—l spend a lot of time hiking. Combined with all the bad financial decisions I’ve made in my life, sleeping on the ground is a big part of my future, so any woman is going to need to have a strong love of the outdoors.
4) she must be sexually turned on by a man with low self esteem—not repulsed by low self esteem might be an acceptable alternative, but sexually turned on would sure save a lot of begging time.
3) she must have low self esteem, but not be bitter about it. I don’t want “it’s about time somebody noticed!” I’d rather have “thank you for noticing.”
2) she must have, or quite recently had, a pulse. There are some lines I won’t cross and necrophilia seems to be one of them. Although it’s been quite a while so who knows what depths I might sink to…let’s just put a pretty defined dashed box around this one and move on.
1) is actually a tie between poor eyesight and very low standards. After all, the prize is me. Both of these qualities are an absolute must.
By the time I go through these exercises on a daily basis, I have managed to move past the danger zones. My time in the Smokies has made me realize just how beautiful North Carolina actually is. In fact, I have moved NC up to my number 2 favorite state on the AT. If I ever happen to stumble onto that bag of drug money some cartel has hidden in the woods, I would absolutely include western NC in my home search. Until then, I’m scouting for possible hidden spots to build a primitive home to share with bears (hopefully a very near sighted bear that likes to spoon—the rest of the conditions should be no problem except I’d probably need to add “the absence of mange.”)
EFG
