Another hiker, Viva, came in late last night. It must have been after 7. Sure, it was still light, but we were already in bed. I’m not going to be too concerned about meeting him again since he is obviously a redshirt. He arrived in Old Station yesterday. That means he stopped at JJ’s to eat and then walked 20 miles to catch up with us. We’ll never see him again.
There are three distinct frequencies of swarm hums that all hikers are aware of. The low, distant rumble of bees pollinating the flowers along the trail. The frenetic pitch of black flies dive-bombing the tent. And, the worst. The ultra-high frequency of mosquitoes swarming anything that breathes, moves, or sweats. Hikers breathe, move, and sweat. The sound alone will drive you mad, but mosquitoes swarming and biting lead you to dreams of mass murder.
In the entire history of man, no person has ever said “thank god for flies and mosquitoes.” Mosquitos are responsible for more human deaths than all wars and religions combined. They are evil little bastards. It gives me great pleasure in killing them, even if it is just a fart in a storm. They are particularly irksome when they land on my glasses and start doing the “time warp” in my eyes. 🎶 “It’s the pelvic thrust, that really drives you ins-a-a-ane” 🎶
I think it was a mistake to outlaw DDT. I would gladly pay for a carpet bombing of the trail ahead of me. What have condors ever done to make my life better? Maybe if they flew along with us as we hiked and ate flying pests, I might be more concerned about thin egg shells. Until then, let the DDT rip. I remember running behind the trucks spraying DDT when I was a little kid. The spray never effected me adversely. In fact, the extra toes have given me a much better sense of balance. And the extra nipple proved most handy for me in college. “How many nipples do you have? I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”
Deet is worthless. The only thing effective against mosquitoes is a strong wind or your tent. I have never found anything that actually works. I considered the possibility of catching bats and attaching strings to their legs and tying them to my pack so they will eat the mosquitoes as I walk. That, combined with lizards glued to my clothes and a couple of frogs sitting on my shoulders flicking out their tongues and catching anything coming near my ears. Sure, this might add up to a few extra pounds that I’m carrying, but to be bug free! As a bonus, the frogs might occasionally stick their tongues in my ears and I do like that.
As the intelligent reader might have surmised by now, the mosquitoes and flies were a bit of a problem today. The minute I stepped out of the tent, I got swarmed. I tried dousing myself with Deet to no avail. We packed up as quickly as my wife would allow (i.e. we took our time getting out of camp). As soon as we climbed up a bit, we hit a breeze and got a reprieve. A couple of hours into the hike, we found a shady spot on the rim with a good breeze so we stopped to call our moms for Mother’s Day.
The trail turned into a living hell for the next several miles. This is when I came up with my bat/lizard/frog solution to hiking. I dreamt of godlike powers of wiping out entire species of insects (and a few select people, if you have godlike powers, you might as well use them to the fullest). Once we were off of the side of the rim, we did find another shady spot to take a break. Bunny was bright red and fading fast. She had woke up with a headache this morning (from not drinking enough water, but I’m not a trained medical expert so my opinion doesn’t matter). No matter how thirsty she is, she won’t drink before bed because she doesn’t want to get up in the night to pee. She drinks way less than I do and I didn’t get up to pee last night (first time this trip), so I know I was slightly dehydrated.
After the second stop, we had a breeze for the next several miles so the hiking was pleasant once again. It was during this 4 mile section where we both ran out of water. When we finally got to some nice flowing water and shade, Bunny didn’t want to stop because we had less than a mile to go before we camped. I had been begging to stop for a couple of miles, but, husband, thy misery doesn’t matter. As soon as we left the last water (both of us parched but unable to take the time to filter one liter out of 2 billion flowing gallons of water) the mosquitoes found us again because there was no wind. And, even though we were on the shore of Baum Lake, there was no access to water.
Water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink. There was no way I was staying in this mosquito hell and not eat supper or breakfast because we had no water. We were planning on spending another quiet night and then neroing into Burney Mountain Guest Ranch tomorrow to save a little bit of money. We have a package that should be arriving on Tuesday or Wednesday and I was trying to be fiscally responsible. I am a good Democrat (controversial statement, but when was the last balanced budget with a surplus? Democratic administration of Bill Clinton—fact!) My wife is becoming a California Democrat (we can spend the money now, somehow, it will materialize when the bill comes due).
Bottom line, we are staying at Burney Mountain Guest Ranch where the mosquitoes can’t get to us and the water comes, get this, straight out of a tap. And, you don’t even have to filter it before you drink it. I am amazed at how fast civilization continues to move while we hike.
EFG
Had a wonderful laugh reading todays diary. Just got back from my trip and catching up now.
Do you not use mosquito net over your head? Or does it not work for you?
I’m a fat man with breathing difficulty, the netting makes me overheat too much. If everything goes too smooth, I wouldn’t have anything to bitch about.